Monday, February 28, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
The Kid: What are they?
Me: What do they look like? Grocery bags. We're going grocery shopping after school.
The Kid: Why do I have to go?
Me: So, I don't have to hear...'Why didn't you get blah, blah, blah?' when I get home.
The Kid (with a wicked grin): Alright. But you're probably going to remember half way through why you don't bring me in the first place.
Monday, February 14, 2011
When I say the line was 50+ people long for 3 hours I am not exaggerating. My fingers are sore from typing and I probably groped a million dollars in cash over the course of the morning. At one point there were 6 cashiers going at once and the manager even jumped in to try and make the line move faster but it didn't matter.
No matter how fast we moved the line just kept building as it snaked around the store.
With all of this back up you'd think I'd have people to bitch about but today it's the opposite. I want to tell you about two little girls that made me smile. Even though I wanted to pull my hair out.
At about noon time a mother and her two kids come up to my register, the son was around 15 and the daughter was probably 12, she was also autistic. Her mother told me that they were teaching her about money and she wanted to pay herself.
I told her it was no problem and I rang up her book and told her it was $10.61.
She very carefully counted out her $10 and then proceeded to count (out loud) the $.61 she was going to need.
One dime at a time. (All the while the line is getting longer and longer and I don't care because she's still counting.) When she realizes that she doesn't have a penny she seemed a little stricken but her brother told her to give me a nickle and I would give her change.
Which I did. And she counted each penny to make sure that there were four. (And the line is growing - and I still don't care.)
Once this was all done her brother says to her, "It would have been easier if you had just given her two quarters instead of all those dimes." At which she replied, "Robbie! I'm still learning."
That's right Robbie, she's still learning, give her a break.
She made me smile even though I was starving.
Little girl number two came at about 3 o'clock. I'm not certain if she would be considered a "Little Person" or not but she could barely see over the counter, everything about her was miniature.
She also had long, flaming red hair under a winter hat.
She handed me her Barbie Fairies book so her mother could pay for it and it was at this point I noticed that she had the same red hair as one of the fairies on the cover.
When I pointed this out to her she whipped off her hat so she could compare it to the book and says with a huge smile, 'She does have my hair doesn't she?!'
Her mother told me she would talk about that for the rest of the afternoon.
And even though I had three hours left of my shift and 600 more customers to go in line.
She made me smile.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
How about a cat AND a dog?
So you know alllll about the dog treating the litter box as a buffet table if you don't clean it fast enough. Yeah, I just threw up a little too.
This has got to be the grossest canine habit there is. More so than the licking, or the inappropriate sniffing.
When we brought Quint (kitten) home from the shelter it was all we could do to convince her to use the litter box. I won't regale you with details of how we did it but believe me when I say it involved the glass shower doors and the tub.
After two long days of kitty box training she was more than happy to use the box in the hall and the dog was more than happy to follow her right into it.
It was at this point that we realized that her 'happiness' at using the box could be loosely translated into a dance party. She's very enthusiastic about digging, so much so, that she whips stuff EVERYWHERE!
Every time we walked down the hall you could hear, crunch, crunch, crunch on the stone floor. We spent more time sweeping and vacuuming around it than we did cleaning it, that is if the dog didn't get there first. Ick.
Enter the Booda Box: This little baby is now in our hallway and Quint LOVES it! The kids call it her igloo.
She gets in this thing and you can hear cat litter flying off the walls. Whenever we hear her in it someone always yells...Party in the Igloo!! I always imagine she's dancing to 'I Flip My Hair' by Willow Smith when she's in there.
Best part about it though? The dog can't get his fat head inside of it.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Also, I totally bogarted my title from CB at Cigarettes and Stilettos, because honestly, she's right.
We're going to start with a few statistics. I'm taking a few liberties since my time frames don't match up exactly but bear with me...
- According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, 9.1% of the National Population was unemployed as of December of 2010.
- According to the US Population Clock as of 2/1/11 there are 311,991,776 persons in the US.
- According to the CIA-World Fact Book as of July 2010 20.2% of the population was between the ages of 0-14 and 12.8% was 65 or older.
- That leaves 67% of the population, roughly 205,794,364, between the ages of 15-64.
- 9.1% of 205,794,364 is 18,727,287.
That's almost 19 million people who are in need of a job.
Currently the training program that my office is affiliated with is running an ad in the local paper which states that we're taking applications for our program. It looks something like this:
The ABC Training Program is taking applications for the coming school year. Applicants may fill out an application in person at ABC's Main Office located at 123 Main St., Anytown, US between the hours of X and Y. Applicants must meet the following criteria, X, Y , Z.....in order to be eligible for the program and they also must provide proof of the following P, Q, R.........in order for their applications to be complete. (123)456-7890
I didn't write the ad but if I did, the first thing I would have done was NOT print our phone number. Everything you need to know is in there. If you can't find your way to a specific address at a specified time, then you really shouldn't be working in our area of expertise because honestly, you could kill someone, including yourself.
No that is not an exaggeration.
Yesterday I took multiple phone calls that ALL started out with...
Caller: I saw your ad in the paper.
Me: What's your question?
Caller: So, um, yeah, what do I have to do....?
Me (after 6 or 7 of these calls, said verbatim): You have to go to the address in the ad, at the time it specifies, with the documentation stated.
Callers: Um, ok.
But the icing was this call starting in the same fashion as above:
Caller: I saw your ad in the paper.
Me: *grinds teeth*. Um-hum. (at this point I've given up all pretense of being professional)
Caller: So, um, yeah, I see your ad is in the Trades section.
Me: Yes, it is.
Caller: So...what trade are you looking for?
Me - shrieking in my head: *really, REALLY!!!! Are you joking?!!* Out loud: It says it in BOLD CAPITOL LETTERS at the top of the ad.
Caller: Oh, oh, um, yeah.
There are almost 19 million people in this country that are in need of a job, but in all honestly, to the people that called me yesterday, I wouldn't hire you to walk my dog, you can't even read and follow directions.
Simple directions at that!
If you want someone to hire you, you need to stop being lazy and generally stupid.
That's right. I said STUPID.
100% of your questions I took yesterday could have been answered if you had just taken 2 minutes to read the entire ad. Instead you were LAZY and picked up the phone and assumed that the person on the other end of the phone had the time to READ IT TO YOU.
Well, we don't. We're WORKING! That's why we put all of the information in print!
Now if you'll excuse me, my phone is ringing....bet I can guess what they want.